The good, bad and the ugly.

I'm going to let it all out.

Timeline:

January 2009: Totaled my 1st car that I had for about 2 years.

February 2009: Financed my car on my own, my pretty little kia =) and gained a car payment =(

April 2009: I lost the job I had for 11 months.

August/September 2009: Started fall semester of college (first actual semester, I had enrolled before but dropped my classes to allow more time for work)

January 2010: Turned 20, started dating my boyfriend.

February 2010: Wisdom teeth removed.

March 2010: Got the courage to tell my doctor I had been struggling with depression.

April 2010: Diagnosed as bipolar and having ADD, got help.

June 2010: Finished fall semester with an A in art history, an A in health, (not sure of my grade in Environmental Science yet).

I haven't been able to find a job, school is my priority and not a lot of places will work around a school schedule. I have no qualifications for anything, I was fired from my job in retail because of a small but HUGE mistake. Personally I don't believe I should have been fired, it was a little extreme considering that I had been with the company for almost a year and had gone out of my way to do whatever was needed. I still get sad when I see the girls I used to work with on facebook, and when my hiring and firing anniversaries come around. It was the first job I actually stayed at, and really worked at. I was being considered for a promotion (and raise) to a sales position. But that is the past. I wish more than anything that I could go back and fix that small mistake but I cant. And dwelling on it wont help.

My family has a history of mental illness, I tried to deal with my issues on my own for a long time and it finally got to the point where I needed help. It was such a relief to finally get it out and get help. I didn't know that how I felt wasn't normal. And that I didn't have to feel like that. My doctor explained that the bipolar gene is passed on very easily. I also have OCD. These diseases are beyond my control, there is a chemical inbalance in my brain. I am not crazy. Bipolar disorder is something that is misunderstood. My sister has mental illness too, and experiencing that as I was growing up shaped the way I am today. I have always strived to gain control of anything and everything. I thought there was either extreme behavior (due to mental illness) or normal actions. I did not see that there was an in between. Only my best friend knows about my disorders, and I only just told my dad about being bipolar (he knew only about the ADD and OCD). I have felt ashamed. I didn't want to be "messed up", I wanted to be "normal" but I am neither, I am me, I am not in a category. I am dealing with it now, facing it head on and healing.

I am lucky to have my dad, he is amazing.

I have two best friends that I would do anything for.

I have an amazing boyfriend that accepts me for who I am, and adores me.

I have a cute little apartment that I can decorate however I want.

I have 3 cats I love.

My friends support me in everything I do.

I am in college, and on my way to earning a degree.

Life is never what you expect it to be, its much better.

I am taking the good with the bad.

"Without sorrow, you can never know joy"

I have an AMAZING life, I am so LUCKY.

At times these things seem too difficult to get past, but I am confident that I can get to the other side and look back at how strong I am.

I spilled my whole heart out, put myself out there, and it feels pretty good.

Questions, comments, thoughts, and opinions are welcome.

-Ashley Marie

Changes

A lot has been going on around here, so many changes happening and I'm a little overwhelmed.

I am so grateful for the warm welcome even though this blog has kind of had a rough (and uninteresting) start. I've realised that even though I LOVE reading craft and home improvement blogs, I am unable to have a "craft" blog of my own.

So this blog is going to take a different direction.

I've decided to write more about my life. Hopefully in writing out all my thoughts, feelings, issues, and being completely honest and uncensored I work through things that I have been struggling with.

Thank you all so much for being so kind and welcoming, and I understand if you decide not to follow me anymore.

So this is my new start.
I am open to feedback, thoughts, and opinions.

To me, this sounds sad, dismal, and downright depressing.....but it wont be!
I am going to write about EVERYTHING, good and bad.

I cannot say thank you enough, the support means so much to me.

I hope I wont be speaking (typing) to an empty room (blogland)

-Ashley Marie

My First Project!

I'm so excited to have my first project (almost) done!

It has definitely been a learning experience....like ALWAYS use primer, even though you have plenty of paint, and are too tired to go to the store.

I found this coffee table at Salvation Army for $25! It was marked down from $50. Which may seem like a lot for something that needs work but in LA thrift stores are more expensive.

It is almost done but not quite, it needs a couple more coats of paint and some de-stressing, but so far its looking good!

Sadly the only before picture I took was after I detached the top from the legs and with my blackberry camera =/

This is mid sanding. And my best work space is my tiny balcony.

The are is very difficult to work in.

Its been hot enough outside for dresses!! I'm so excited to break out all my cute summer clothes.

This is one of my favorite long dresses, got it at Forever 21 for probably around $20. So light and comfortable.

That's me, in my room, the dress makes me look much shorter than I really am even though I'm only 5'3".I'm also bending and jutting my hip out.

(Excuses)

Oh! I went to my favorite small thrift store the other day and I found a great table thing. Its like a rectangular coffee table but smaller and shorter, I think I'm going to make it an ottoman! For the living room. Which is still in progress.

Oh and I have a bench with storage under the part where you put your bum. Sanded and ready to be painted. I'm thinking a grey/white?

Ive seen that color everywhere in blogs lately and have fallen in love.

I'm also going to try my own drop cloth curtains. Hopefully I'll love them when I do them myself, I feel like when I try crafts they never look as good as the original poster.

My plate is full....

School

SO many projects

Cleaning

Studying

3 cats

Cooking

Friends

Special someone =)

But I'm trying my best.

And I am so happy/ thankful/ grateful/ blessed/ lucky/ excited!

Hopefully next time I can post about some FINISHED projects.

Bedroom

Okay, so this is my bedroom. It still has a loooooong way to go, but I love it so far. Ive moved things around so many times and this arrangement looks and feels the best (to me).

1. I NEED curtains, I LOATHE these blind thingies. With a passion. On the left wall I made a cork board picture holder thing (I'm not too good with words today apparently) It was so easy, just took a frame, painted it, glued some fabric over cork board and done!

Almost all of my furniture comes from Ikea, well just my bed frame, side table on the right and the lamp.

I was given (stole, no not really.) the side table from my mom (on the left) and painted it white, I need to go over it with a semi-gloss because the matte feels kinda rough (that's what you get for not sanding!)

I need some more pillowcases, seeing the picture now the ones i have just look funny.

My closet doors are so boring! Id like to add some molding, or something to make it less blah. You can see the wall on the right side of my bed in the mirror. And the believe sign above my closet is centered, I promise! ( I got it on sale at Joann's for like 50 or 75% off!)

The wall opposite of my bed. I loooove my desk, its so simple and my dad stained it for me about 10 years ago? Love love love. And the chair (which needs to be painted) I got at a thrift store for $5!!! Its in really good condition, and very sturdy. One of my best finds so far. Calendar and cork board are a must. The woven box to the left holds my scarves.

On my desk you can see my little net book. Sadly this is my main computer at the moment, which is my fault, I broke/ruined 2 in about a month =/
I'm hoping to get a macbook soon, but that is not likely to happen unless some kind stranger decides to give me one, or I win the lottery- which I don't play....

I still love it though, its so light weight and does everything I need it to, I can throw it in my purse and go! I just prefer to work on a bigger screen.

The over the door shoe holder is not my favorite but it does the job, and my door is open most of the time so I don't have to see it.

I got the wall hooks (you can only see 1, there are 2) at Urban's after Christmas's sale for $2.50 each! Originally $11 each! And There is another hook on the right side of my desk that I got at urban a few weeks ago for just $1.99 I've started to looove hooks, no idea why, I'm going to slowly transfer my love to door knobs and drawer knobs.

And finally the right wall. Booooooring.
I need something for that wall, Ive got a few ideas, but it will take some time.

Another Ikea paper lamp in the upper right hand corner. I love their paper lamps, the light they give is so soft but luminous lol

Oh! and my comforter! I got it from Target on sale for $30-$40? I cant remember. But I absolutely adore it.

And you can see my icky carpet. I hate carpet...wait, I DISLIKE it, hate is too harsh.

Okay there we go....my room, where I spend a lot of time.

Its not perfect, its not gorgeous, It needs some work, but it works for me and I'm happy with it.

My lonely little blog needs some love......

It kinda feels like I'm talking to myself in a giant auditorium, with my voice echoing.

Or that I'm the new kid in school, that just moved to the town, in the middle of the school year.

I promise I'm nice...

-Ashley Marie

My Favorite Houses

Oh jeeze, my last post was LONG, like novel long. Sorry about that, it all just came out! And it seemed like it was T.M.I, which is not like me really, (I've been told I keep things to myself alot, which I don't do on purpose) and I was thinking of going back and editing it but I am going to step out of my norm and leave it how it is- nice and long.

Okay, anyways...

I'm working on decorating, rearranging, and some projects to make my tiny apartment feel more like home, so tomorrow I'll take some pictures of everything in its current state and post, but its not going to be pretty. I might try to chicken out, but what do I have to lose? Nothing.

Any tips for decorating/ making small spaces work to their full potential would be greatly appreciated!

So now I'm going to show you two houses I LOOOOOOVE

#1





Okay, this house was recently built right down the street from my complex. They tore down the house that was previously on the lot and started from scratch. I drive down this street almost daily (and on days I didn't, I would make it part of my trip) and I have seen it come to life. Its Gorgeous! I'm in love with it. Its exactly what I want in a house, love the color, the porch, EVERYTHING. I'm slightly obsessed. And its big, goes waaaaaaaaay far back more than you would expect from looking at the front. I would fantasize about buying this house and only having to walk my things over during the move. So as it was starting to look finished, I kept my eye out for a "for sale" sign, waited and waited and nothing. It was never on the market, turns out the contractor was building the house for himself. Not that me buying this would ever be a remote possibility, but it was nice to dream. Ill even admit to driving by a few times and stopping to peak inside, I even day dreamt about the layout! Like I said, obsessed. So now I just drive by and hope that one day a house like this will be mine.





#2







This house is in Burbank (CA) and I actually turned around to take the picture. I'm afraid if I stop and get out to take a picture ill get in trouble or something, yea yea I'm paranoid I KNOW.
Anyways, this house is smaller but still beautiful. I love the color green for houses, I didn't even realize that both houses were green until now. And again another porch. I think I just might be the only 20 year old student that day dreams about houses.

I'm sure if I had either one of these houses I would never want to leave!

But I am thankful for what I have, how lucky I am, and know that one day I'll have the house of my dreams(after lots of work!)

Also, my cat Kaos for the first time has matted fur!! He has medium length fur, about 6 0r 7 years old? and this has never happened, he hates the car so going to a groomer would be a bad idea. So I've decided to take this on myself. Great idea, right? No, I spent about an hour just chasing him around and fighting him (well more like him fighting me) just trying to brush him. So I had to cut a few mats out and still have a lot more to do but he was getting pretty feisty so I gave it a rest for the night. Tomorrow I'll try to get the rest, and then try to give him a bath.....I'll admit, I'm kinda scared.

Wish me luck!

-Ashley

Here we go

Lets do a little introduction

Hi there, I'm Ashley. I'm 20 years old, and a college student majoring in History with the intent of becoming an Egyptoligist. I'm also in the very beginning stages of opening a venue in LA to host concerts, but that wont happen for a while, lots to plan! I love organizing, ever since I was young I loooooooved to organize. I also love to clean, which is a little strange but ill embrace it for now.

I'm one of those people that needs change constantly.

I always rearrange the furniture in my apartment (that I live with my dad in and luckily he doesn't really care what I move or paint, or sometimes destroy, and he supports my creativity which I am so grateful for!). If I was allowed to paint the walls, I probably would every other week, but sadly that is one thing I'm not allowed to do according to management. In the next couple of years we will be purchasing a townhouse or condo where I will be able to paint, and decorate to my hearts desire! I cant wait, I have folders of torn out magazine pages, and a file on my computer of inspiration.

But for now I work with what I've got. Which is a small two bedroom apartment, with carpet (yuck!) and three cats. I'm about 10 minutes away from Hollywood and 30 from the beach. As I am a college student, with no job (and a car payment) my decorating and crafting budget is limited. But I make do.

I come from a tiiiiiiny family, total of about 10 people. My dad is the most amazing parent ever, I grew up without my mother around most of the time and he raised two girls by himself! He had to deal with all the girly stuff that mothers usually do, including shopping, getting my hair done, and even periods. Now I can send him shopping for me and he knows what sizes to get and even what styles I like. He is amazing, and I am grateful every single day that I have him.

Although I have a lot on my plate, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm at my best when I'm busy.

I'm at a point where I enjoy thrift and vintage stores more than malls. I prefer a worn in tshirt to a brand new one any day. I'm coming into my own for the first time and I'm very excited to see what life has to offer.

I would love to hear from anyone reading this.

If you have any tips on decorating, crafts, life, whatever please share them!

Feel free to introduce yourself, I'm looking forward to hearing from you.

-Ashley

P.S. My title is something my dad has always told me, never settle, know what you want and dont settle for anything less.